Fair & Balanced....... Baby Professor
This is for all (ahem.... one) of you that were curious about the Professsor as a wee one. Here you go..... ;)
I Really MUST Get my Emotions Under Control
Ok, so everyone knows that a wedding stirs up all sorts of things. This is one of those things that people talk about, but I am here to testify........ IT IS TRUE PEOPLE!! It is really true. The people that say those things? They are not kidding.
Without divulging too much information I will share that like every good lesbian with a TIVO, I recorded Ellen today. Today was the day that she promised to share pictures and stories from her recent (legal!!!) wedding to Portia de Rossi. I hit play, sat back for the brief segment of the show that she discussed it and just cried. Absolutely beautiful.
I wish I could find a better link to share, but here is the link to the page on her website that will play this clip from the show. It's not too long, but it's really beautiful. Check it out. And in case you're trying to decide if it's worth your time...... Ellen is from Mississippi. Nuf said. ;)
http://ellen.warnerbros.com/2008/09/grab_a_hanky_before_watching_t.php
Baby Toad....... Can You STAND It?
So Toad's Mom and I have been scanning pictures for the wedding. It's entirely too much to handle. Here are three of my favorites.
Oh to be a Cat......
Life has been moving at a pace that is not consistent with blogging. I hate that. So.... I'm fighting back. Grrrrr.
Sure, classes have started and I'm in a new role (Assistant Prof baby!), Toad has a major board exam in about ten days and we're getting married only a few days after that. It's not like anything is going on around here ;). I've decided to start taking my cues from Gadget. In spite of the rising stress level in the house, he stands strong. The boy is hellbent on maintaining what Toad likes to call his "rigorous napping schedule". He WILL NOT be moved. "Wedding? Schmedding!" says the boy. I think he's onto something.
Ok, a few wedding updates.
- Rings are here and beautiful
- The ceremony will be at 6 at the Fellowship. We have made the decision to broaden the circle a bit and invite a few more folks. We're thinking we'll have about thirty. It will take place in front of big floor to ceiling windows that overlook a garden. It's a lovely spot. We're still working on vows and readings.
- Toad's suit is only moments from completion. She has done a few fittings and she's feeling good about it. I haven't seen anything yet, but I know she will be wearing black pants, a black vest and some kind of ivory shirt.
- My dress has been purchased and is fabulous (it's royal blue), but I'm going to scan my options one last time this weekend to seal the deal. Now that she's wearing ivory, I'm thinking that could be nice. Decisions, decisions. Still need shoes (I'm thinking strappy sandals - Toad wants em flat, she's a mini Toad) and some jewelry. That needs to be finalized this weekend.
- We are meeting with the florist on Tuesday and have a pretty good sense of what we're looking for.
- Toad's Mom has agreed to take care of the cake and I'm excited about her ideas. She's found a baker in town who does cool box shaped cakes that look like gift boxes. We're thinking about three boxes spread out along a central table. A cool idea.
- Catering plans are underway and close to final. We are going with our favorite Sunday afternoon restaurant and I love that! They have great food and they've played a role in our relationship. We've made a lot of big decisions on their couches.
I think we are going to make it!
I DO Love a Circle
Have you ever thought about what shape you are? And I don't mean what kind of shape you are IN, but rather which geometric shape you are. Bet you didn't think you had a geometric shape, did ya? Well, perhaps you do. As a psychologist, I'm a little shamed to admit that I find silly internet quizzes fun and almost informative, but I do. If you share this view, click here and find out your shape. You can click on View All Results to read descriptions of the other shapes. Leave your shape in the comments if you want to play along. Come on.... you know you want to! ;)
I am very much a circle. Words like harmony and connection and intuition just make me feel good and I see my life through a kind of circular lens. Always looking for relationships between ideas and people. It's the way I think and process the world. So....... I had a very happy circle moment yesterday in a conversation with Toad and our minister.
We were meeting with him to discuss the ceremony and the conversation could not have gone better. First, he gave us a packet of information (I also DO love an info packet) that began with a letter outlining the distinction btw religious marriage (blessing by a minister of a specific faith tradition) and civil marriage (blessing by the state) and explaining that he officiates only religious marriage ceremonies and does not sign any paperwork as a representative of the state. So, if he can't confer special rights (hospital benefits, health insurance, estate taxes, etc) to all couples, then he won't do it for any couple. He goes on to ask straight couples (who will have to go through the courthouse process in addition to the religious ceremony process) to explain the reasoning to their friends and families. How great is that?!!
The rest of our time was spent talking about our relationship, why we are (collectively and individually) making this decision, what our thoughts about raising a family are, etc. We talked about different faith traditions. We talked about humanism and transcendentalism. It was a fabulous conversation and I was thrilled to be having it in a church. To be acknowledged and understood and challenged. All at once.
I have struggled with religious identity since I was a teenager. I grew up in the Episcopal church and I loved it. I loved the rituals, I loved the community, I loved the ethic of asking questions and thinking deeply about things that really matter. I didn't love the official policies of the church as they relate to gay people. I continue to believe that most of the people that align with that tradition do not hold the views that the church espouses, but where does that leave me? Well, for years it left me outside of organized religion. And then in a conversation with Toad's parents, the idea of the Unitarian Universalists came up. It struck both of us at just the right moment I guess and we decided to give it a shot. I'm so glad we did.
So, back to the circle. Right in the midst of our conversation, I was struck with the realization that this man (the minister) has the same name (first and last) as my childhood priest. What is the probability of that? That the man who will be blessing my relationship shares a name with such a key figure in my childhood and adolescence. This was a man who drove me to school in a rickety red pick-up truck every Wed AM after the youth held morning prayer. He sat with us when one of our friends died in a motorcycle accident. He encouraged me to think for myself and trust my own voice. He hung a huge picture of Jesus Laughing in the narthex and I loved him deeply. I DO love a circle.
Progress Baby!!!
The invitations have been ordered. Yahoo!!! I am so excited. They look great and thanks to the wonders of the internet, they will be delivered to our door within the week. We used www.mygatsby.com and we're hoping for the best. This was the major wedding task of the weekend and it is complete. Watch us go.....
Finally.... Some Words
Thanks to those of you that left a comment and shared in all of my excitement about the ring. It really is a cool thing. Much more amazing than I had expected.
When Toad and I decided that we not only wanted to be together for the foreseeable future (which we decided pretty early on), but that we wanted to be together forever, we did exchange rings. We chose them together and decided that they would be our engagement symbol. We didn't spend a lot of money, but we got something that we both liked and that meant something to us as a couple. They weren't matchy matchy (bc we have pretty different styles), but they looked coordinated. They were an external symbol of the process we were (no pun intended) engaged in.
At some point during the wedding planning process I started getting really attached to the idea of traditional symbols. Certainly our relationship is not a traditional one, but it is actually for this reason that I've started to feel that traditional symbols have new (and perhaps greater) meaning for us. As a traditionally feminine woman, I have spent a lot of energy in conversations that run along this oh so predictable line - "No, really, I am gay. I like girls. Whatever you want to call that. Yes, I know I don't look like you think a lesbian should look, but guess what? This is what a lesbian looks like". I've grown tired of the conversation. It's old and I have nothing more illuminating to say about it anymore. So, to return to the idea of the traditional symbol, these symbols provide some kind of system of shared meaning. As oppressive and horrific as they may be in many respects, we all get it. We know the language. When we see a woman with a diamond on her left hand we all know what that means. There is no ambiguity about that. When my diamond wearing hand rests on my partners' knee, there is no denying what is going on between us. There is no ambiguity there. No shades of grey. It is, very much, exactly what it is.
And so..... I started dreaming of diamonds. Of a simple, beautiful symbol that would erase any impulse to deny that these two women are together. This is not a mirage. It won't go away if you squint your eyes. It's real. And my girl listened to me. I had NO IDEA that she was buying this ring. None. I knew that I wanted one, but I also knew that I didn't need one. Who really NEEDS a diamond anyway? It struck me as a little frivoulous to have the desire in the first place, but that didn't make it go away. And then, she asked to see my original ring. I was washing dishes and she just asked to see it. So I handed it over and got back to work. When I was finished, she slid the new ring on my finger. I've never been so surprised and I've never felt so truly known. I love this girl.
Internet Shopping..... NOT my Scene
Ok.... I know that being on the tail end of Generation X means that I should embrace all things internet with open arms, but I don't. I just don't. I want to be able to look around on websites and get ideas for my wedding dress, but it's not working. The wide wide world of web offers many fabulous opportunities, but shopping is not one of them. I need to touch things. To try them on. To know that this garment actually exists in real life. I guess it's a block, but I'm embracing it.
So, after church this AM I am going to the mall. K is moonlighting and will miss the joy of what is sure to be a pleasant afternoon. I am being VERY sarcastic here. I am not a shopper by nature. In fact, the reason that internet shopping is not my scene is likely bc shopping is not my scene. But, if I want to look fabulous for my wedding (and I certainly do) then I must shop. I will likely be chanting "approach, not avoidance" as I drive. Oh the lessons that yoga has taught me!!
