Radvent 12/4 - Caring

Caring for yourself takes practice.

Amen to that!  Like so many other women, I love to care for other people but taking care of myself doesn't come quite as naturally.  It doesn't give me the instantaneous jolt of "way to go me!" feeling that reaching out to someone else does.  Tending to myself has always been something that I do more from the head (I know that I'm valuable and worthy of attention) than from my heart (but when it comes right down to a choice between them (family, friend, student) or me, I'm usually going to pick them).  I've been working on this since my mid-20's and I'm pretty sure I'm getting somewhere, but it takes practice.  Yes it does. 

These days, I care for myself by:

•  Moving every single day.  Some days it's a quick 20 minutes on the treadmill, some days it's a jog on the green way and some days I'm doing good to take the dog for a walk, but I do it.  It can be a real struggle to force myself into running shoes, but I'm always glad I did.  
• Eating with integrity.  I know it's not for everyone, but cutting meat (I do still eat fish) from my diet is one of the best decisions I've ever made.  Since I first gave any real thought to where my food came from as a teenager, I knew I didn't feel good about eating animals.  At that time I knew nothing about any of the compelling arguments for a plant-based diet, I just knew that it didn't feel right to me.  However, I figured that honoring this feeling was selfish and high-maintenance and so I went with the flow and carried on like everyone else.  Why rock the boat, right?  Around the time that Yogi was born I realized that I was eating for other people.  Sounds dramatic, doesn't it?  Well, it was.  When it finally hit me that I was making (rather fundamental) choices for myself in an effort to make things easier for others (who wants to be the difficult vegetarian at the dinner party?), I knew it was time to make a change.  After all, I'm somebody's Mama now and I have to be able to explain this stuff to my kid.  There is a lot of peace in having an answer that I can feel good  about.
• Making time for my writer self.  She's been in there since I was a kid, but I've never really taken her seriously.  There have been a few moments when I let her out for brief intervals, but most of my life I've told myself that writing was something other people do.  Talented people, creative people, people with trust funds, anybody but me.  I am happy to say that I'm telling myself something different these days.  Slowly I'm changing things and sometimes it feels like I'm actually getting somewhere.

Radvent 12/3 - Fascination

Today is a day for fascination!  I love this topic because I think that being fascinated is something I am quite good at.  I have an eye for it you might say.  ;)  In fact, I would go so far as to say that what makes me most fascinating is my capacity for fascination! 


How's that for turning a question on it's head?


It's not just a fancy word trick however, it's actually true.  Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that I was in school until I was 27 years old, but I am pretty clear about what I know and what I don't know.  I am also crystal clear about the relative size of the "what I know" and "what I don't know" boxes. 


There are a lot of things that I don't know.


How great is that?


The space in my "what I don't know" box provides endless opportunities for fascination.  As an example, when Yogi starts asking kid questions (I can't wait for this to start!) like "How does my face get inside the camera?", we're going to have some learning to do because I have absolutely.no.idea, but it would be fun to find out.  Actually, I'm hoping that Kate might do some of the leg work on questions in that kind of technical/practical vien, because while finding the answers could be fascinating, they aren't exactly my kinds of questions. My kinds of questions (read: the things that I find endlessly fascinating) have one common denominator. 


People.


There is nothing more fascinating to me than other people.  Any person, really.  I'm always wondering how people grew into the selves they are, why they care about the things they care about, how it is that they see the world in precisely the angle that they do.  This kind of thing does it for me.


I love to ask people about themselves and find this to be the only effective strategy for making it through most social events.  It's a great idea for a few reasons.

1. I have actual interest in the answers.  This is important primarily because people can tell when you don't care.  If you couldn't care less about the answer, it's best not to ask the question.  My adherence to this principle is why I am not so good at small talk.
2. People love to talk about themselves.
3. Even if they don't admit it, most people believe themselves to be pretty great and when you acknowledge the correctness of this belief by seeking to find out more about them, you are immediately slotted in the "Hmmm....she's an interesting (fascinating?) person" category.
4. You never know what you may find out.  There is a lot to be said for the idea that truth is stranger than fiction and asking the woman at the punch bowl about the significance of the pendant on her blazer is bound to get you a more entertaining response than a more routine "What do you think about this weather we've been having?".
5. Assuming that you are communicating interest in what they have to say, when most people get going, it can be hard to get them to stop (see #2).  This means that the other person shoulders most of the conversational burden.  Genius!

Working from my "I am fascinating because of my capacity for fascination" angle, I'll close with a quick list of what I've been wondering about lately:

• What makes loud and aggressive people so loud and aggressive?  Are they overcompensating because they feel small or are they so sure of themselves that they don't notice the way they trample over everyone else?
• Why do so many people seem driven to do things in big groups (shopping, attending huge sporting or music events)?  Do we get something out of being in a herd or is it just that lots of people like to do the same things?
• What is up with owls?  How did such an inherently creepy animal (weird eyes and the way the neck moves) become cute?  Lesson: Marketing is black magic.
• Why are blue eyes so magical to people?  Is it a scarcity thing?  Since it occurs (relatively) rarely, does it just feel more special when we encounter it?  As the Mama of a blue-eyed boy I can assure you that blue eyes are a big deal.